So I have been wondering if I have it in me to lose this weight. I have not been able to post because of computer issues but during that time I have gained another 2 lbs. Up to 245.5 now. When is it going to end and when am I going to see the light and stop doing this to myself? I have been trying very hard to not eat unless I am hungry. Wow is it hard. I am so used to just picking my way through the day (and to 245.5lbs). I really need to focus on that. Evenings are the worst. I will eat dinner, then eat everything else in the house and then some until bed time. The two biggest reasons I eat are boredom and being tired. Now with 3 kids and a house to take care of, I should never be bored. But so often I find that the case. I don't want to do housework alllllllll the time, and my kids tend to play very well by themselves so I don't have to entertain them. So what am I to do. I am on the computer a lot, more than I would like. I have started baking and decorating cakes, but I can't always bake a cake for us because I am the one who eats it. It is really hard to exercise with a one year old. I can't do the stationary bike because she wants held. I worry about using the treadmill while she is up. And when she naps that is the only time I have to do things I can't do when she is up. I can't go outside to walk because we live on a hill and I don't think I could push the stroller up the hill without having a heart attack. But by the same token, taking the kids somewhere so that I can walk means getting them in and out of the car, then in and out of the car again. Not to mention the money in gas.
Now as I write this I realize these are excuses. I need to find a way past the excuses. I make a lot of excuses about eating healthy also. I baked the cake, we don't want it to go bad. The food tastes to good, I can't resist more. My kids are eating so I may as well eat while they do or my meal will be interrupted later by them. CRAP!!!!! This is so hard. Once you give yourself these excuses they become the norm whether you want them to or not. So what to do to change or get over the obstacles? HMMMMMM. Still wondering.
I realize a lifestyle change is in order but I think I need to change me before I can change my lifestyle. I can change my lifestyle but unless I change me I will be right back here. AGAIN. This is so much harder this time around--I've successfully lost weight before and done just fine. I am struggling to find my way this time and throwing up roadblocks every way I turn so that I don't have to. I want this to be the last time I lose weight. I don't ever want to be back in this situation. I want it to stick. And so on and so forth. I am done. I want my health and my life back. I want to be able to bend over to tie my shoes or pick up a toy with out feeling like I am going to throw up or stop breathing or that my head will explode. I want to be able to run in the back yard with my kids. I want to feel sexy and like my husband isn't lying when he tells me he thinks I'm sexy.
I want, I want, I want. How do I take I want to I am, or I am doing? Something is holding me back. What is it? I don't know at this point. I really want to know so that I can move forward. Maybe I expect to much too soon? I do get frustrated that exercise and weight lifting doesn't make a difference. I do get frustrated that I am so lax with my eating. I get frustrated that I can't get it together. Maybe that is my problem. I can gain weight so easily and quickly, so why can't I lose it that quickly. I get frustrated when I don't lose the weight as quickly as I can gain it.
OK so I guess what I need to do is set a diet and exercise program. I don't want to be restrictive in my eating--I don't want to cut out a whole food group. I want to eat more fruits and veggies, but I want to limit sweets. Not cut them out. Just limit them. I want to only eat when I am hungry. I want to really work on emotional eating. I want to get enough sleep at night. And I want to get some type of exercise every day. I am sure I will change this as I evolve. And I want to delve into some of why I am having this trouble in the first place. Hell I know some of it. I just need to let it come to the surface and deal with it. But that is another post.
1 comment:
Do you read a lot? If you like books, try reading "breaking free of emotional eating" by geneen roth. All of her books have been helpful to me.
It doesn't sound to me like "bored" is an accurate description of what you're feeling, though. To me, it sounds more like anxiety or dissatisfaction.
Try to learn knitting or something else you can do with your hands while watching TV. Try getting the kids on board to make healthy choices.
Of course you can't lose weight as quickly as you can gain it. It's not as much FUN! But being fat isn't as much fun as being fit, so there ya go. I know you can do this!
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